Motherhood is not all the same Stories of choices, medical challenges, and denied freedoms between the United States and Italy
Motherhood, for many women, represents a natural and desired milestone, but it is not a mandatory step to be a woman nor a necessary condition for self-fulfillment. There are, in fact, many different ways to live one’s female identity and just as many ways of being a mother and creating a family. When health, personal circumstances, or laws make the traditional path more complex, the desire for parenthood finds new routes. From the intimate experiences of celebrities like Selena Gomez and Lily Collins to the heated debate on surrogacy in the United States and Italy, the topic raises profound questions about rights, possibilities, and the limits imposed by society.
Selena Gomez: a choice of motherhood
Selena Gomez recently shared with the public an intimate and very delicate decision, opening a window into her personal life and the challenges she has faced in recent years. The popstar and actress was diagnosed with lupus in 2015, an autoimmune disease that can cause inflammation and damage to various organs and tissues in the body. Complications related to this condition led her, in 2017, to undergo a kidney transplant, a crucial procedure that saved her life but also made it difficult to carry a pregnancy safely. On top of these health problems, in 2020, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which required a careful pharmaceutical regimen and constant psychological support. All these combined factors make a natural pregnancy today a risky choice both for her health and for that of the baby. Despite these difficulties, Selena Gomez has maintained a positive and determined attitude toward her desire for motherhood.
In an interview with Vanity Fair, she explained with great sincerity: "I unfortunately can’t carry my own children, but I’m excited for what that journey will look like, but it’ll look a little different." With these words, she wanted to share not only the limitations imposed by her medical conditions but also her will not to give up on the dream of becoming a mother. Selena Gomez has therefore clearly expressed her desire to become a mother through alternative paths, such as surrogacy, commonly referred to as surrogate motherhood, or adoption. She emphasized that, regardless of the method chosen, what matters is the love and bond that develops with the child, who will be hers nonetheless.
Lily Collins: a similar choice with mixed reactions
Lily Collins also chose surrogacy to become a mother. In January 2025, she welcomed her first daughter, Tove Jane McDowell, with her husband Charlie McDowell, through a surrogate. The couple expressed deep gratitude toward their surrogate and all those who supported them in this journey. However, Lily Collins’ choice sparked mixed opinions. Some criticized the use of a surrogate as a decision motivated by personal convenience, while others defended her choice, pointing out that it can be a valid option for many women.
Another couple who turned to surrogacy was Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas, who in January 2022 welcomed their first daughter, Malti Marie Chopra Jonas, born through surrogate motherhood. The couple shared the news on their Instagram profiles, expressing joy and asking for privacy during this special time. Their choice of surrogacy was motivated by medical complications that made this option necessary.
The surrogacy situation in the United States
In the United States, surrogacy is regulated at the state level, with laws varying significantly from one jurisdiction to another. Some states, like California, have favorable surrogacy laws, while others, like Georgia and Arkansas, have more restrictive regulations. In 2025, some states updated their laws to recognize surrogacy as a valid option for both medical and personal reasons. Additionally, states like New York allow gestational surrogacy, with legal procedures to establish the parentage of intended parents.
The situation in Italy: a restrictive legislation
In Italy, surrogate motherhood is prohibited by law. Law No. 40 of 2004, which regulates assisted reproduction, explicitly bans surrogacy. In December 2024, a new law (Law No. 169) was introduced, criminalizing surrogate motherhood even if carried out abroad, with penalties of up to two years in prison and fines of up to one million euros for those who practice it. This legislation has raised concerns among Italian couples, particularly LGBTQ+ couples, who see their options for becoming parents severely limited. For example, a gay couple who had a child in the United States via a surrogate stated that they feared being prosecuted upon returning to Italy.
Simple freedom
The choice to resort to surrogacy highlights how this option can be an answer to medical or personal needs. However, public reactions and national legislation reflect mixed opinions and legal challenges. These dynamics raise questions about reproductive freedom and the rights of those involved, questions that, today, should no longer exist.
