Why Gen Z is afraid to make the first move? Mental health, dating apps, and the paradox of real-life connection
How many times has it happened to you to be asked out by someone you had just met, without going through a smartphone first? A recent study by the Pew Research Center (2023/2024) highlighted that about 53% of young people aged 18 to 29 in the U.S. have used a dating app at least once, but some of them report feeling overwhelmed by the interaction process. The most interesting data point is the decline of so-called “cold approaches.” The idea of interacting with someone for the first time in a bar or a library, without an initial digital interaction, is perceived by many Gen Zers as “invasive” or “creepy.” This concept also emerges in Tinder’s latest annual reports, the Future of Dating Report, although viewed through a slightly different lens. On one hand, young people are described as “extremely aware of the importance of mental health”; on the other, this very protection of their emotional balance makes them more “fearful of rejection.” It is also emphasized that many prefer to “study” the other person through a screen for a long time before meeting in real life. This is not a lack of courage, but a defensive strategy: "immediate, face-to-face rejection is perceived as too harsh a blow to one’s mental well-being". Apps and social media thus become tools, a necessary safety filter. A “match” guarantees prior consent; permission to talk is explicit. “Without that click, many young people feel they do not have authorization to interact”: this is a key theme emerging from data provided by Hinge in 2024.
The escape from online dating and the IRL paradox
However, a study conducted by DatingAdvice in collaboration with researchers from the Kinsey Institute suggests that something is changing. About 1,000 young people (aged 18–27) were asked where they would prefer to meet a partner. An overwhelming 90.24% chose at least one offline option (parties, bookstores, clubs, classes, parks) over online ones. Indeed, Bumble has lost 90% of its market value since 2021, clearly reflecting dating app fatigue. Tinder is trying to move away from “hookup culture” by focusing on features like “Double Date” (group dates), while Hinge positions itself as the app “designed to be deleted,” limiting the number of matches to encourage users to actually talk to one another. These are all very precise positioning moves that point to the modern paradox of the “In Real Life” approach: we place it first, yet at the same time we are afraid of it. On social media, especially TikTok, the myth of the "meet cute" has gone viral: a chance encounter, like those seen in the romantic comedies of our adolescence. All of this has also led to a 49% increase in participation in live events (Eventbrite data), such as running clubs, pottery classes, or speed-dating nights. Gen Z is seeking “protected” environments where approaching someone feels natural rather than forced.
Are dating apps really the problem?
According to the very recent Hinge Gen Z D.A.T.E. Report, which projects its analysis toward 2026, a key theme emerges from this entire discussion: even when the phone barrier is overcome, the difficulties do not disappear, they simply change form. The study, conducted on over 30,000 users, reveals the existence of a deep “Communication Gap.” Although 84% of respondents strongly desire deep connections, Gen Z is 36% more hesitant than Millennials to initiate meaningful conversations on a first date. We are talking about invisible scripts, recurring patterns, a kind of unspoken law that we cannot ignore. In fact, 49% of women still wait for the other person to take the first step toward depth, while 48% of men hold back for fear of seeming “too much” or emotionally intrusive. Both partners want the same level of intimacy, yet neither wants to take the first risk, perhaps out of fear of overexposure. Added to this is what Hinge experts call “Vulnerability Hangover.” Fifty-two percent of respondents report feeling a sense of shame or “emotional nakedness” after opening up sincerely during a date. Yet the surprising data point is that only 19% feel uncomfortable when the other person shows vulnerability. This suggests that fear of judgment is almost entirely an internal projection: we fear showing who we really are, but authenticity is exactly what the other person is looking for. With the new year approaching, all that remains is to bet on new challenges. Logan Ury, Hinge’s relationship scientist, suggests adopting the philosophy of “Cringe Mode”: accepting that the first real-life steps will inevitably be a bit awkward, but that it is precisely this embarrassment that makes us human and attractive in the eyes of others.
