The age of femicides Killers are becoming younger and younger, but admitting the educational and emotional gap seems impossible
Recently, a 14-year-old girl lost her life—yet another victim of the Italian patriarchy, of a global and local culture of possession, and of a growing radicalisation among young people that can no longer be swept under the rug. It’s not about vague Instagram stories, pity posts that offer no real information or resources, or Barbara D’Urso-style sensationalism. What matters is facing the issue head-on, clearly and directly, and trying to protect ourselves and the younger generations from something that’s always existed, but seems to have taken on an even darker turn.
What should we do if we feel unsafe? That’s not the right question
We could tell you that if your boyfriend (or ex, or crush, or situationship, or one-night stand, or best friend, or any man in your life in any form) shows dangerous behavior (threatens you, insults you, says he can’t live without you, acts possessive and jealous, tries to control your behavior or expression), the first thing you should do is talk about it and avoid blaming yourself or giving him the benefit of the doubt. We could tell you to speak to friends, family, law enforcement. To reach out to online or in-person women’s support services, or local help centers. A few examples? Mama Chat, Rete antiviolenza di Milano, D.i.Re, donnexstrada, Differenza Donna in Rome and many others. But the truth is, we shouldn’t shine the spotlight only—and always—on victims or potential victims. The truth is the problem has gotten out of hand, and the blame lies with all of us. Yes, with men and the power imbalance, but also with everyone else. And your “not all men” aren’t helping either.
Gender-based violence in Italy: the numbers and the role of public discourse
Feminicide numbers are rising (according to the national observatory of Non Una di Meno, there have been 40 feminicides and at least 29 attempted feminicides in Italy in 2025), and the age of the accused is getting younger. The issue doesn’t start with murder, and murder doesn’t happen in a vacuum. In fact, according to ISTAT, 31.5% of women aged 16 to 70 (about 6.8 million) have experienced some form of physical or sexual violence: 20.2% (4.3 million) suffered physical violence, 21% (4.5 million) sexual violence, and 5.4% (1.1 million) suffered the most serious forms such as rape (652,000) or attempted rape (746,000). Physical violence is more common among foreign women (25.7% vs 19.6%), while sexual violence is more prevalent among Italian women (21.5% vs 16.2%). Foreign women are also more likely to suffer rape or attempted rape (7.7% vs 5.1%). Moldovan (37.3%), Romanian (33.9%) and Ukrainian (33.2%) women report the highest rates of abuse. The problem is clearly intersectional.
So the focus shouldn’t just be on how to defend ourselves—but also, and especially, on a social and educational system that has failed, and continues to fail, from families to schools to everything in between. Public discourse around gender-based violence is also under scrutiny—yes, even in women’s media, where it still clings to small-screen clichés and gut-driven, rage-filled rhetoric more suited to bar talk than institutional platforms, which should aim for a degree of authority. We don’t have clear guides, and we’re not good enough (individually and collectively) at doing this ourselves: at explaining that blame lies always with the person who commits violence, harassment, abuse; at reshaping our idea of masculinity, which within patriarchy is inherently dominant; at welcoming vulnerability, doubt, complexity; at explaining to a teenage boy that his actions have consequences, all of them, even the small ones. That he needs to talk to his friends about it, but first he needs to recognise it within himself.
The gap we’re facing is not only emotional, it’s also educational and social. Pointing fingers isn’t enough, and instructions won’t cut it. We need to deconstruct these ideas within ourselves first, and then help those around us do the same. We must start small to go big, start with the individual to reach the collective. We need to dismantle a system that survives on power imbalance, the strong over the weak, man over woman, white over non-white, able-bodied over disabled, Western beauty standards over diversity. And if that means starting by feeling guilty, by feeling uncomfortable, by going to therapy, by arguing: then so be it. The important thing is not to stay still.
If you, as men, feel that you have violent tendencies and want to start working on yourselves, we recommend Mask.You, Mica Macho, Cerchio degli Uomini, and Maschile Plurale. Admitting you have a problem, opening up, and listening are the first steps toward a change that benefits everyone, but we need you.
