How to spend Christmas at the table with someone who has a difficult relationship with food

For many people, one of the most characteristic aspects of Christmas is also and above all the gatherings and meals with friends and family. The act of sitting at the table and indulging in abundant meals during the holidays is a deeply felt aspect, in Italy and beyond. There are few things more symbolic and layered than this in the Western world, especially in Latin countries, to the extent that during the Christmas period, it is very common to hear comments about having eaten excessively. While for many people, all of this is part of Christmas tradition and causes no discomfort, for those who suffer from eating disorders or have a difficult relationship with food, these social conventions can trigger or intensify negative feelings such as anxiety, shame, or discomfort. It's a topic that is not often discussed, especially not during Christmas, and people are not always aware of the problem. Knowing how to behave and navigate appropriately, during the holidays as well as throughout the rest of the year, is therefore crucial – and often makes a real difference.

Here are some tips and best practices on how to promote inclusivity for those with eating disorders.

Christmas is not just about food

During the holidays, do not focus excessively on or give too much importance to food and the act of eating, as they are not the essential elements for a successful day. What matters is not how much or how one eats, but being together.

Communicate the menu in advance

This simple precaution allows the person with eating disorders to "be prepared" and avoid the element of surprise, reducing the chances of making them feel uncomfortable. By giving them the opportunity to decide and plan in advance which dishes to eat, they will have greater control over the situation. In this way, all guests will be prompted to communicate their allergies and intolerances.

Involve everyone in proposing a dish

Encourage guests, if they wish, to prepare and bring a dish from home: this allows those with eating disorders to potentially have the assurance that there is something they can eat. However, to avoid making the affected person feel different, wrong, or alone, it is important to share this initiative with all present.

Avoid references to physical appearance

During the holidays, as this is also an occasion to reunite with relatives and friends, there is a tendency to use expressions related to physical appearance, sometimes without even realizing it, such as "you look in shape" or "you look good." It would be better to avoid them: even if made with the best intentions and without giving weight to the words, such comments can make the affected person uncomfortable.

Do not make the person feel different

This is the main rule to follow and shape your behavior at the table. To avoid excluding those with eating disorders, it is first necessary to remember that their behavior is not caused by a temporary condition but is part of a broader and more complex discomfort. For example, insisting on making someone eat more when they have no intention of continuing may confront them with their discomfort, intensifying it. Instead, avoid making the person the center of attention. Even the arrangement of dishes on the table influences this: the "buffet" mode allows everyone to serve themselves freely and independently, without feeling observed and judged.

Do not take it personally

When someone suffers from an eating disorder, food goes from being a form of pleasure and sharing to something heavy and conflicting. The guilt felt by the affected person is often heightened by rejecting a dish cooked by someone they care about, so it's better not to take offense and – we repeat once again – do not insist on making someone eat more if they don't feel like continuing. Focus instead on being together, making the affected person feel welcome and more at ease.

Pay attention to how you talk about food

Notice this: especially in Italy, conversation at the table often revolves around food. Usually, people comment on what they are tasting, and sometimes they even compare places where they eat better – while doing exactly the same thing. Even if it may not seem so, people with eating disorders often have a deep nostalgia for food. Therefore, pay more attention than usual to the words you use, their meaning, and their weight. These holidays can be an opportunity to change the language used when referring to food, overcoming stereotypical representations of eating disorders and reflecting on the stories and feelings of those involved.