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Tutti i buoni propositi sulle relazioni che non rispetteremo dopo il lockdown

Dopo grandi dichiarazioni e tanto romanticismo, siamo pronti a tornare gli insensibili di prima

Tutti i buoni propositi sulle relazioni che non rispetteremo dopo il lockdown Dopo grandi dichiarazioni e tanto romanticismo, siamo pronti a tornare gli insensibili di prima

Every year, there is a day when all the dating apps set a record of new subscribers, as well as a consistent increase of messages sent. Usually, this day is the first Sunday of the year. While we are still hangover and recovering from the New Year's Eve party, facing all the good intentions that we will never accomplish and believing that we will radically change our sentimental life, many of us hope to find their final solution right on those apps. 

According to Meetic, something similar happened on last March 22nd, 2020, maybe even better. It was the first Sunday of the lockdown. In the moment when we were told that we had been trapped between the four walls of our homes for a month (to say the least), unable to go out for a drink or a dinner, that moment seemed like the most indicate to download a new dating app. What were we thinking? Something like this: I'll be stuck here for a month, so it is better that I find myself something to keep my mind distracted.

via GIPHY

Before the lockdown, we were scrolling our possible matches with the same enthusiasm with which we change song on Spotify while we are on the subway; but quarantine gave us the right amount of time to look and actually read the accounts we were scrolling (and we all asked ourselves what was the criterion with which we selected our partners in our former life). We counted how many guys choose to put in their profile pictures a photo of themselves working out at the gym, or how many girls went for a picture in their bikinis, even if the most popular choice is a picture while graduating, perfect to play it off. If you have a profile pic in which you have your arms crossed, showing off your white muscles, and you are wearing a tank top on which is printed Eat, Rave, Repeat, and you are still wondering why these past two months have been such unsuccessful in terms of matches, this is the answer you were looking for. 
To avoid the sad circumstance of canceling the match after a second look (this time, we were sober), we decided to look deeper into some profiles: we payed attention to their bios, to who was quoting Tommaso Paradiso, Vasco Rossi or Marracash and who decided to go with Fabio Volo, and we draw our conclusions. We had so much free time on our hands that we took care of our online dating apps with the same precision with which we write our CV on LinkedIn. 

Following never-ending chats, so long that our fingers were bleeding, we found ourselves someone with whom we wanted to take a further step. Many went straight for phone calls, something that we usually hate (even when we have to order some food or just book an appointment). Might it be the sign that we are actually matured?
Furthermore, as we were inebriated by our enthusiasm and our moves, we made and accepted invitations to go out (who knows if we will ever do that?). Nev Schulman could shoot a new season of Catfish with all the dates that we promised during the quarantine. 

Over the weeks in lockdown, when it was legit to write to your mid-school girlfriend, once we were finished with the complaints about the current situation, we also started talking about our emotions (especially on Meetic). I understand the situation, I understand that we are becoming adults, but is there really someone in real life that actually talks about their emotions? I realize that Aziz Ansari's line to break the ice with girls in Master of None is not the best you could go for in this particular moment (Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick up anything?), but I think that the umpteenth binge-watching of The O.C. has had real bad consequences on us (it was just a matter of time). Or could it be that for all this time we were just fools, and that this sharing of emotions could be actually a good move to win the battle? It looks like the quarantine has spread a new sense of etiquette; it look like for once, and not for so long, we put our sexual appetites aside and we focused on getting to know the other - even only to have the last confirmation that it makes sense to look at the bios on Tinder, not just scroll the pictures. 

Still, where did all the inappropriate messages on Tinder go? All those phrases we read on @tindernightmares? Did the quarantine really make us better, turned into people that chats about their feelings and desires, dreaming of a serious relationship at the end of the pandemic? Of course it is the best line to say in chat, but is that real? 

Then, it could be that we just bang our heads. We woke up and we were fireflies, after many years spent as caterpillars (if not worms). It looks like we have been waiting all this time to finally become the good persons we were meant to be. When the lockdown will be over, we will want only authenticity and serious commitment in our relationships: we will never have to struggle again with ghosting, messages with no answers, people who blow us off and secretly cheat on us; on the contrary, we will be honest on everything. What a wonderful world; might be a little frigid, but surely amazing. It feels like dreaming. Let's just shut that tiny voice that keeps telling us that everything will stay the same, and let's talk about it in a month. We will see how it went.