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Is it possible to be friends with our ex's new girlfriend?

Stars, including Bianca Censori and Kim Kardashian, seem to think so

Is it possible to be friends with our ex's new girlfriend? Stars, including Bianca Censori and Kim Kardashian, seem to think so

While the whole world speculates about them - on their relationship with the controversial Kanye West, on possible manipulations, on looks bordering on total nudity, on the dynamics within current and past partnership - Bianca Censori and Kim Kardashian do their best to appear calm and serene, side by side at the Vulture Listening Party in San Francisco, just a few days ago. It seems that between the two women, former wife and current partner of the rapper, there's no bad blood, despite the less-than-amicable end to the story between the businesswoman and the controversial artist. For the sake of the children, they say in these cases, but perhaps there's something more. Maturity, or maybe a willingness to maintain appearances in front of a public opinion scrutinizing them very closely.

Is There a Bond Between Partners of the Same Person?

In Tomorrow in the Battle Think on Me by Javier Marías, the protagonist, a screenwriter obsessed with women and with the family of the one who died in his arms during a fleeting and adulterous encounter, puts together a theory: all the people who have had the same sexual partner are linked to each other, even if they don't know it, in an almost supernatural way by life's coincidences. Some people find themselves having to deal with this shared experience, which doesn't depend on their choices but on those of the common partner - and thus looms over their heads, full of possibilities - while others don't. Whether this bond is true or not, and how intensely it is perceived in daily life, doesn't matter: Bianca Censori and Kim Kardashian had to deal with it, but they're not the only ones.

Celebrities Who Are Friends with Their Ex's New Partner

Gwyneth Paltrow and Dakota Johnson are a shining example that yes, being friends with your ex's new partner (Chris Martin) is possible. They make it look easy, they attend family outings together, they have nothing but nice things to say about each other, they seem to care a lot for each other. Furthermore, a benevolent relationship seems to be in place between Miranda Kerr and Katy Perry, who "share" Orlando Bloom. For the nostalgics, we must necessarily include in this list also Ashley Tinsdale and Vanessa Hudgens (Zac Efron), and then also Taylor Swift and Sophie Turner (Joe Jonas) and, among men, Lenny Kravitz and Jason Momoa (Lisa Bonet).

Why Are We Jealous of Our Partner's Ex?

Certainly, having children together helps. It's a bond that's hard to break, especially if you want to spend a lot of time with them. You're parents together and, even if love ends, you remain so forever. Having other people in your life also contributes, having built new stories and new paths. Furthermore, it's impossible to ignore the economic component. Having a relatively comfortable and privileged life makes separating easier, especially when you've been married. We're not afraid to be contradicted if we say that, once you've overcome the financial part of a divorce - with all the problems this could entail and assuming that neither party depends economically on the other - then it's all downhill, or almost. Celebrities have other things to do: who has time to obsess negatively over the ex's new partner when there are trips to take, movies to shoot, dream lives to carry on? Not that this completely eliminates the jealousy problem, both from the ex and from the new partner. In the latter case, it's retroactive jealousy, and it could conceal insecurities and/or obsessions that go beyond the relationship, to be addressed also with the help of a professional and the partner.

It's Possible, but Not Obligatory

When embarking on a new relationship, especially in adulthood, it's highly unlikely that the person in front of you doesn't have a past, even a romantic one. Making peace with this is essential to lay solid foundations for the relationship, and it's mandatory for a successful couple. If we then want (and only if we want) to establish a relationship with the people from this past, the decision is up to us. Much also depends on our partner, with whom we must keep a constant, sincere communication channel, without judgment. Do they tend to remain friends with their exes or keep them out of their life? Why? Do they have children or other things that keep them tied in some way to a particular person? The important thing is to face our demons, communicate always and anyway, and set limits and boundaries for our well-being, even psychological. The rest, we tackle together (or in threes, or in fours).